Nothin’ but Net: Three Signs You Might Be an Online Addict


Nothin’ but Net:

Three Signs You Might Be an Online Addict

9/4/2020 by Chris Cobb

There are obviously many types of addictions; From drugs and alcohol, to sex, gambling, food, and so on. There is one addiction that I believe affects more of the world’s population than any other, even though it is seemingly harmless to most. Internet / technology addiction. It is very similar to any other addiction for the simple fact that no one really likes to admit or even realize that they are losing sleep, work, and time with loved ones over it. So, I’m going to talk about a few things below that I have noticed on my own account (pun intended), that have impacted my life in different ways. So, let’s get to it.


Sign #1: Posting Your Every Emotion to Your Wall


I’m sure we’ve all done it at least once or 100 times before, I’m guilty as well. The dreaded cryptic shit post that no one really understands. “Some mfers gon’ see wasup next”, or “The feeling is mutual” as a post?? Yeah, I remember my first attention begging post too. When everyone comments “What’s going on, are you okay!?” and the like, when in reality, you probably won’t say much else about the “situation” even if asked. They don’t even always have to be encrypted with catchy phrases; you could say something like “my mom stopped paying my phone bill so I’m dropping outta school” <insert crying emoji>. But WHY? Why post these things that are on our mind every 5 seconds of our day, just to constantly unlock our phone every time it dings to see who liked, hearted, or commented on it? Is it because Facebook asks “What’s on your mind?”? Awfully nosey social network if you ask me (hence the ads popping up involving things you’ve talked about around your phone). I have writer’s block right now. I think I’ll post that to Facebook. Ok I’m back, sorry, got distracted. So anyway, what are you like in REAL LIFE? Do you just blurt things out in public when the thought so much as tickles the surface of your brain, or do you think before you say or act? I’ve come to learn that not many people care about my overly dramatic emphasis on how depressed cutting onions makes me, so I’ve managed to keep my cool over the past couple years with my social presence. I am still, however, addicted to memes. Let’s move on and read some more.


Sign #2: Playing Doctor


I’ll admit it. I’m not a real doctor, but I play one online. Who needs WebMD when you have “Friends”? (I am a YouTube certified auto mechanic, but that’s for another time). So, you see a friend (or friend of friend)’s post about their constant migraines that Ibuprofen won’t help. After telling them to take Ibuprofen and it doesn’t work, your diagnostic session is completed and you finally have the remedy! Another comment. “Oh, do you drink diet coke? Aspartame is the cause of your migraines. Stop drinking diet coke or stop complaining. I’m just trying to help; I can’t help you unless you want to do what I’m suggesting”. Congratulations on saving the day (or not). If you’re like me, I’m the kinda person that coughs for 2 days, looks up the type of cough I might or might not have on WebMD and gets depressed because I have fake cancer. So, who am I to judge others for drinking Diet Coke?? How about that good ‘ol pro bono Facebook therapist talk? You see someone’s cryptic shit post “I just don’t understand”, and reply something along the lines of “Well, you will likely face less of this issue (whatever it is), if you would look in the mirror every morning and say ‘I am a powerful, positive, successful human being’, let me know how that goes and we will continue”. Or tell this person to stop drinking Diet Coke (last time, promise).


Sign #3: Validating Your Own Opinion on Others’ Posts (Trolling)


            It’s usually towards complete strangers. We for some reason unknown, tend to see some random post whether it be political, revolving around a game system or a show, and cannot seem to just pass it up without intervening somehow. I remember when I was a keyboard warrior trolling other keyboard warriors. But when someone posts that Playstation 4 is beast and PC gamers are pussies, I’m not leaving that be. This actually happened a good 15 years ago, but an argument over game consoles turned into some kid talking about my mama, to me being so pissed I’m shaking and typing insults back as fast as the eye can see. I might have been drunk but who’s to say. So, do you talk shit about Dr. Cali Estes on your website like some of her biggest fans? Do you twist things out of proportion until they are completely made up so that you can gain the following you are so jealous over (just admit it)? Well if you do, you might be a troll, and internet addict, an attention whore. So as a Facebook Certified Doctor, I URGE you to get off your phone, off your ass, and look at the grass and sky for five minutes, just to make sure you’re alive. I’m about to do the same, after I post my blog to get your attention. If you’re still reading this, I’m praying for you.