Dr. Cali Estes: It is really…None of Your Business. The Art of Handling the Body Shamer

 

 

 

your opinion is none of my business

It is really…None of Your Business. The Art of Handling the Body Shamer

When I was a tween and a teen, I was body shamed for ‘being fat’. I was called Thunder Thighs and Rolly Polly. Even my own father would say ‘you don’t need to eat, you are fat’. Little was done to help me lose weight. I was told ‘don’t exercise upstairs you make too much noise jumping around’, and ‘you eat what we cook or starve’.

Thus, I was fat and I was made fun of almost my entire life. Then I found the gym and Yoga and kicked my food addiction and got fit. Now, I get body shamed for being in shape and posting my pictures on Facebook. Recently I was told “you’re an addictions coach why are you posting pictures of yourself in shorts at the gym, you need to learn humility” or the more recent, “you post a selfie a few times a week, no one wants to see that, obviously you are a selfie addict”.

We live in a society that is quick to judge others and make fun of their flaws because they can.  These Keyboard Commandos sit behind the computer and are so miserable with their own pathetic lives that they feel this odd compulsion to interject their unwelcome opinions on us. AND more importantly they want us to feel bad, ashamed and worthless. They want us to believe that their opinion is important. That is how sad their lives have become.  They rely on degradation of total strangers to feel powerful.

No one can know what I went through or what it took to post a picture in shorts at the gym. No one can fathom that I took 12 pictures and still thought my legs looked chunky, or that when I look in the mirror I still see Rolly Polly. But the guy missing his front teeth in rural Pennsylvania with no job sure wanted to tell me that I should not be wearing shorts, because according to his educated opinion, I am a ‘selfie addict’. Now you might think I am body shaming him, however I deal with these guys on a daily basis. They have no issues on how they look but they sure want to point out the flaws of others, what happens when we do it back?

I watched two colleagues and one High School friend, that are beautiful fitness models, get body shamed on Facebook and LinkedIn because some unhappy housewife was so miserable with her own life, she wanted to ruin the day of someone else. I watched men trash all three of these women because these women could out bench them. Maybe they just felt worthless that day and picking on someone else made them more powerful, sitting on the sofa, drinking a beer and playing Keyboard Commando.

Social Media has become on demand, interactive, Reality TV. People can comment on anything they want and feel good about judging others, after all, you block them and they will find another target. If you shame them back on social media (I had one guy actually have his BFF call me on Facebook to beg me to take it down – he was having heart palpitations because I shamed him back), you look like the bad guy.

So we are told to ignore it. Pretend the negative nellies just don’t exist in our world. Let them just look bad. Well, how does that make you feel?  I know for me it doesn’t work. I want them to know that their uneducated opinion of me…simply put is ‘really none of my business’.  I want them to know that their pathetic lives do not affect my mood or what I do. I want them to know that Body Shaming an overweight person, or a fit person, does not make them pretty. It does not make them fit, it does not make them any more desirable and it certainly does not make them appealing to anyone.

So next time you see someone being Body Shamed, say something nice to them, it will make their day. AND remind them that the bully’s opinion of them, really doesn’t matter: it is none of your business.

Dr. Cali Estes, The Addictions Coach

www.theaddictionscoach.com and www.theaddictionsacademy.com

1.800.706.0318 ext 2

If you or anyone you know needs Food Addiction Coaching or wants to get trained as a Food Addictions Coach, call us today!