The Addictions Coach: 5 Ways to Outsmart Your Haters and Call Checkmate. 


5 Ways to Outsmart Your Haters and Call Checkmate. 

Reading negative things about yourself on social media or hearing trickle down gossip from friends can be irritating, especially if it is inaccurate information or an outright lie. Your first instinct is to lash out at your haters in retaliation and let the world know your truth. Before you do that and engage them, learn how to outsmart and defeat them. 

When you are dealing with a person that has negative things to say about you, personal or professional, you need to remember that they are feeling one of 5 things that you can use to your advantage. Here are the 5 things they focus on and ways to use their negativity to fuel your success.

1. They see you as a threat. It is time to outthink them. What tools are they using that you could be using in your own life to be more successful? When a hater sees you as a threat it means you are encroaching on their space and they fear what is about to happen, so their tactic is to discredit you. Figure out their success strategies and use them. Analyze their social media sites and websites. Duplicate what you see and use it to your advantage. Analyze their life and look for what is working and emulate it.

2. They want to be you. You need to outdo them.  They have discovered something in your life that is attractive to them and they want it, but have no idea how to get it in their grasp. This may be beauty, money, success, intelligence etc.  Continue to focus on the items that made you successful to this point and create a list of what you want to attain next. Call this your “Power List”. Every time you have trouble with a hater, focus on this list. “Hustle until the Haters ask if you are Hiring” is a good mantra to follow. 

As you become more successful in any area of your life, you will create envy among your followers. The more distance you put between yourself and them in terms of success will create animosity on their part, until you become untouchable. Keep moving in a positive direction, they will not be able to keep up and they will give up. Once this happens, all the comments they make will be seen by others as jealously and negativity. In essence, they will make themselves look stupid by their own obsessions with you. Organically you win! A great mantra here is “Winners focus on winning, Haters focus on winners!”

3. They hate themselves. Most people who put others down have a defect or flaw that they hate about themselves that you do not have. Unfortunately, you cannot change this, however; you can focus on this mantra, “What you think of me is none of my business”. Imagine a mirror in front of you, reflection side facing out, so all the negative things they say and/or post on social media, return to them and do not impact you. 

Women tend to size each other up immediately upon meeting each other. Within 30 seconds they have compared hair, makeup, height, weight, breast size, facial features and even voice tone and inflection. They make a quick decision if they like the other female and most of the time the item or items they do not like in the other woman are features they hate about themselves. Keep this in mind, when a hater has negative words about you, focus on the shiny mirror facing them and allow all of their negativity to simply shine back to them and not be absorbed by you. You will feel better and more in control when you can’t actually control what others think of you, after all it really ‘is none of your business’.   

4. They expect you to fold. Wait them out and then pounce. A hater’s goal is to wear you down so they win. They want you to implode on social media, in your personal life and self-destruct so they become vindicated in their accusations and lies. Block them on social media, do not engage in any banter they post or speak and simply wait them out.  If you continue to go full steam ahead on the positive things in your life and show everyone how happy you are, haters get frustrated and eventually will back down. It takes more energy for them to constantly be focused on you that they will wear themselves out. Think of the five-year-old in Target that wants the toy and mom says no. He has a tantrum on the floor, in the cart, and eventually he gets tired and falls asleep. Haters are like children, they wear themselves out. By the time they do, you are ready and ripe for success.

5. They expect to suck you into the negativity. Confuse them with a chess match.

When a hater’s associate or friend mentions that the hater has nasty things to say about you, offer the opposite information and fast. Mention how much you love them, their business, their hair, work ethic, anything at all. Be over the top and convincing. It confuses the friend of the hater. It makes you appear social, outgoing, fun, friendly and it shines a big white spotlight on the negative person. It makes them appear mean, nasty, hateful and jealous.  The friend leaves confused wondering why the other person would try to discredit you when you had such wonderful things to say about them.   

Confusing your enemies is the number one rule of battle and this is a war you are fighting. Overflowing kindness simply cannot be misconstrued. If you are told nasty things by a hater and you simply send a loving message it catches them off guard. That is when they lose the battle they created against you. If they own a company, post a positive review on social media and spread it around. Let everyone know you like the hater.  That is your goal to win and reset the playing field.  

If you follow the 5 rules above when dealing with a negative hater you will see results in your favor and you will win the battle and the war.